So I’m not gonna lie…Covid has not been the easiest for me. And I know I’m not the only one. But what I’ve had a hard time understanding is…why?
I love my husband, I love my kids, I love spending time with all of them. I have been transitioning to only work from home anyway. I live in a place with great outdoor options (although trails and beaches were closed for a while!) Yes, home schooling aka distance learning was not ideal but honestly my kids were pretty independent and didn’t rely on me (too much).
I was overwhelmed by the thought of “working” and growing my business and frustrated with myself that I couldn’t get more done with all this time. I tried to give myself grace (because that’s what I told everyone else to do) but it was a half ass grace…like ” fine don’t do anything Elham, it’s fine, it’s stressful, just breathe, but you know deep down you’re just being lazy…get off your ass!!!”
And that was how I was showing up for myself…half grace, half drill sergeant! It wasn’t pretty. Until one day it just hit me. I have spent many of my recent adult years training myself to be productive and work in the pre-covid environment and then BAM everything changed…overnight! I mean, seriously, I’ve worked for years on myself, on my schedule, on showing up for myself and others but not like this. Not with kids home needing at least some of my attention, not with a husband who’s dealing with Covid on the frontline, not while being home…ALL. THE. TIME!! I, like most humans, need routine. We thrive on it. And at the moment we are all living in some version of chaos!
So, no, it wasn’t the lack of time, or the lack of motivation, or the lack of resources…in my case, it was the complete 180 change from life as I knew it and all the ways it affected the people around me. And to be 100% honest, I’m not quite there with ALL the grace, but I’m learning to slowly forgive myself. To talk back at that voice and say I’m not lazy and I’m doing my best. To tell myself that most importantly we are safe, we are healthy, and that I need to breathe for reals.
These are my 3 daily covid non-negotiables, and if I accomplish them, I go to bed knowing I did the best I could;
- make one small step towards my goals
- daily exercise (preferably outside)
- remind myself of one blessing that happened that day because of covid
I do the last one with my kids nightly before bed. We have to find one good thing because of, not in spite of, Covid. How are you coping in the era of covid? Are you able to give yourself grace?
I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.-Anonymous